broke my heart

as it is something that always connected to relationship between man and woman in the name of the word "L" [in narrow minded way], but not at this time for me. keep reading.

anyway, as I and several groups of friends, we're at the same age, between 25-30, it's just about time that we'll exchange wedding invitations between us at this year or few ahead. i am married and witnessing best friends married afterwards, is just something that will always amaze me. a friend said, it's not suppose to be a big thing anymore for me since i've done it.

but it's not the way it is, is it? when you've been in such excitement and when other people are about to do it, it is really really possible that you'll feel the same excitement for the second time. and if you think that you deserve to be part of the excitement but in fact you're not even close to it, it's just sucks, isn't it? nothing you can do anyway, you can't nag and drag and carry on, upset, and stuff, you just have to stop whining and calmly describe your feeling and try to understand and except it. but it's just broke your heart, isn't it? agree?!! say yes! [why i'm being such a pushy bitch!]

few days ago, i got an offline message from my goodest friend. it's written that this guy [a friend of us], has just got married a week ago. since it was an offline message, impatiently i buzzed him, and of course he wasn't there. normally, i will just stop being such an annoying -want-to-know- person. but, that time i couldn't. so as i always do, i managed to reconfirm everything, and got the final answer. yes, he's got married a week ago.

and it's just broke my heart. no, no, it's not like that. we've never been in such relationship. if we used to be boyfriend girlfriend, probably it would be much easier for me to except it. "oh that looser bastard managed to find the girl! good luck for the girl!" hahaha, you know those bitchy [and fun] kinda feelings sometimes unavoidably popping in your mind. but it's different, so we weren't in such relationship thingy. we are good friend.

we both have a totally different personality, different background, a lot differences. he always be the smartest and i am of course the opposite. he's read those intellectual books, and me still stuck with the teen magazine. he's completly clueless about how to start approaching and dating those girls, and i am the expert. yet we're a good friend. shortly, he was there when i was growing up [20-25]. that's the highlight.

so, i'm happy for him, he's got married, move on to another step, another work [you know marriage is actually another work, with different model of problem]. it's just broke my heart that i knew this not directly from him. broke my heart.